I had waited for you to face me long enough, even now I'm still waiting. I dunno you intentionally forgot it or don't understand when I told you last time (many times) "I wanna talk with you, alone".
It's almost one year since you "killed" me. Maybe you thought that running away, not facing me is the best choice. It did worked, for you at least. Everything turned out "good" isn't it? Instead of facing it, you choose to avoid it. Do you know the aftermath of your decision of not facing me? Read on.
I dunno what's the reason you did this to me, not even saying A SINGLE WORD to me. I dunno what are you thinking. In fact I dunno anything. You seems to hide everything from me right from the start, even now. Do you understand my feeling of KNOWING NOTHING? It's between us, not between "he" and you. How come he knows EVERYTHING while I know NOTHING? Do you know this hurts me greatly? In fact, I feel like I do not know you at all now. Who has changed?
Why always ask him about me? Why not ASK ME DIRECTLY? If you try to care about my feeling, why not REALLY CARE? I'm here but it seems that I'm invisible in your eye. Why refuse to face me? I don't even have an answer to anything except the reason you "killed" me. That also is through him. Other than that...I know nothing, just like a chicken in farm not knowing that it will be a fried chicken soon. Who am I to you? A fool?
You always say that I'm very "bothering" & childish. But had you asked yourself WHY instead of putting all the blame on me? To be honest, I really feel like slaping you. Why you always tell me to be considerate & care for others BUT YOU NEVER EVEN CONSIDER & CARE FOR MY FEELINGS??? Your choice of avoiding the problem saved you, but it HURTS ME DEEPLY.
Previously I don't mind, I even try to forget & let go, but recently I realized I'm just lying to myself. Do you know that I'm crying, even now? I really care & mind the way you treat me last time. Since you can start it, why you don't have the courage to end it yourself? Is it very hard for you to open your mouth? All I want is just to hear it, from your personally. That's the least you can do for me, at least please RESPECT MY FEELINGS. You know, I even had the idea that you were fooling and playing around with me last time.
Now you see me I'm fine, but tell you honestly, everytime after you left, I'm sad. The smile I put in front of you is fake. I can't believe you can't see it through. If you noticed, I had changed since "that day". I'm no longer my usual self. I can no longer be myself in front of you. Maybe to you, I'm insignificant, but you almost used to be my world (luckly this foolishness were stopped, but not by you, it's by him...how sad and pathetic).
I really hope you understand what I meant. Just a word from you...personally this time, not from another "agent" of yours. Please learn to face it. Running away will not solve the problem, it will just hurt the one left behind.
I don't wanna be the Mr.Know NOTHING anymore. I would rather know the cruel truth than be the idiot forever. I'm sorry to dig out the old story at this time, but it was due to I can no longer bear it anymore. All thanks to your unclean & unfinished business last time. I know you actually don't trust me, or in fact, NEVER trust me. How sad... Please trust me in this at least. I wanna face it.
Please, face me. Although it's long time ago, I still care and I realized I can't let go & go on unless you come and tell me PERSONALLY. You start it, then please finish it.
Help me end my suffering please... I'm not trying to "lebih-lebih" here. One last shocking truth to you, since that day, I start to have this problem in my mind. Something like a mental disease. I will feel very down whenever I saw you "ignore" me. Not only feel down, I will lose control of myself & do "not good" things after that, things that I never imagine I will do(obviously without you knowing). I always scold myself for that. Only you can release me from this emotional struggle.
I just want you to answer me this:
"Why?"
(eventhough I knew it, I just wanna listen it right from YOU)
