I had waited for you to face me long enough, even now I'm still waiting. I dunno you intentionally forgot it or don't understand when I told you last time (many times) "I wanna talk with you, alone".
It's almost one year since you "killed" me. Maybe you thought that running away, not facing me is the best choice. It did worked, for you at least. Everything turned out "good" isn't it? Instead of facing it, you choose to avoid it. Do you know the aftermath of your decision of not facing me? Read on.
I dunno what's the reason you did this to me, not even saying A SINGLE WORD to me. I dunno what are you thinking. In fact I dunno anything. You seems to hide everything from me right from the start, even now. Do you understand my feeling of KNOWING NOTHING? It's between us, not between "he" and you. How come he knows EVERYTHING while I know NOTHING? Do you know this hurts me greatly? In fact, I feel like I do not know you at all now. Who has changed?
Why always ask him about me? Why not ASK ME DIRECTLY? If you try to care about my feeling, why not REALLY CARE? I'm here but it seems that I'm invisible in your eye. Why refuse to face me? I don't even have an answer to anything except the reason you "killed" me. That also is through him. Other than that...I know nothing, just like a chicken in farm not knowing that it will be a fried chicken soon. Who am I to you? A fool?
You always say that I'm very "bothering" & childish. But had you asked yourself WHY instead of putting all the blame on me? To be honest, I really feel like slaping you. Why you always tell me to be considerate & care for others BUT YOU NEVER EVEN CONSIDER & CARE FOR MY FEELINGS??? Your choice of avoiding the problem saved you, but it HURTS ME DEEPLY.
Previously I don't mind, I even try to forget & let go, but recently I realized I'm just lying to myself. Do you know that I'm crying, even now? I really care & mind the way you treat me last time. Since you can start it, why you don't have the courage to end it yourself? Is it very hard for you to open your mouth? All I want is just to hear it, from your personally. That's the least you can do for me, at least please RESPECT MY FEELINGS. You know, I even had the idea that you were fooling and playing around with me last time.
Now you see me I'm fine, but tell you honestly, everytime after you left, I'm sad. The smile I put in front of you is fake. I can't believe you can't see it through. If you noticed, I had changed since "that day". I'm no longer my usual self. I can no longer be myself in front of you. Maybe to you, I'm insignificant, but you almost used to be my world (luckly this foolishness were stopped, but not by you, it's by him...how sad and pathetic).
I really hope you understand what I meant. Just a word from you...personally this time, not from another "agent" of yours. Please learn to face it. Running away will not solve the problem, it will just hurt the one left behind.
I don't wanna be the Mr.Know NOTHING anymore. I would rather know the cruel truth than be the idiot forever. I'm sorry to dig out the old story at this time, but it was due to I can no longer bear it anymore. All thanks to your unclean & unfinished business last time. I know you actually don't trust me, or in fact, NEVER trust me. How sad... Please trust me in this at least. I wanna face it.
Please, face me. Although it's long time ago, I still care and I realized I can't let go & go on unless you come and tell me PERSONALLY. You start it, then please finish it.
Help me end my suffering please... I'm not trying to "lebih-lebih" here. One last shocking truth to you, since that day, I start to have this problem in my mind. Something like a mental disease. I will feel very down whenever I saw you "ignore" me. Not only feel down, I will lose control of myself & do "not good" things after that, things that I never imagine I will do(obviously without you knowing). I always scold myself for that. Only you can release me from this emotional struggle.
I just want you to answer me this:
"Why?"
(eventhough I knew it, I just wanna listen it right from YOU)
12 comments:
err..sorry to intefere i know this is wrong to nosing around in yr private life... As a FRIEND i insist to intefere :p, is tat really u opening up? u really so good in hiding yr feelings... mike tell u one thing.. i can understand yr feelings, why dont u go see the person all by yrself.. from my aspect the person is mayb very shy/guilty/scared or really dont know to face u... think of it mike.. just piece of my opnion.. hope u dont mind. Cheer up!
Thanks man. Actually I'm glad you commented. At least you care bout me. Lolz.
Jeremy, your touching piece of story can be used as a hollywood movie script and could win an Oscar. I nearly cried when i first read about it. =p Cheer up! Cheers..
Walaueh... Got so lebih anot? Anyway thanks. But I had decided not to make her face me anymore. I will just wait, if she wants, OK. If not, let it be.
oh my god!!! hope u r fine...u surprised me!!!.... anyway,all the best to u n may all the good one be with u.....nice piece of thoughts though!!!!
Er... who is the Mr. Anonymous?
pls jeremy..
why let someone who don't bother u to affect ur mood and feelings???
it is ur life, mood and feelings pls...it is u who have control over it and not other ppl to ruin ur mood and mental pls...
think about it...why let someone that means nothing to u to disrupt ur daily life...isn't it stupid???
jeremy, i know and i understand how u feel, because i was once in the same boat with u. honestly until now, things havent been better to me but u know wat, we still have to carry on with our life. sometimes it is silly to ask yourself why do u care for that person so much and yet, we've got nothing in return. Remember God says, everything happened, it shall be on His will and purpose. Try to look at this point of view, from the day u meet each other until now. It is time for u to sit down, relax and think properly, think what could have possibly gone wrong. was it that person's problem? or yours?
i know u feel terrible when everything were being hidden from u. i know it feels bad when someone has been avoidig u. i once experienced that before. u feel sad because u care so deeply and so dearly to that person. am i right? even if that person wouldn't want to talk or discuss with u about the problem, u can't force him or her to sit down with u and talk to u. control ur emotion jeremy, do not let it takes over u, it is frustrated though that someone hid everything from u but perhaps he or she is afraid to tell u or she really do not want to talk about it. In what way that person has been torturing u? is it really important for u to know what u really want to know? do u think u can just forget about it and move on? if yes, why don't u choose the other way instead of letting urself suffering and wanting so much to know about it. Jeremy, listen to me, u cannot force or make that person tell u what u want to know, because u know u'll terrify him or her. Believe me, when that person is prepare, he or she will tell u one day.. Wait, patiently, and move on with ur life. Yes, nobody likes to wait but again, please do not let the emotion takes over u, u have already realised ur mistake when u were so emotional, u could have hurt people around u without u noticing, just because u want to know something from the person. and eventully, who's going to suffer? It's u! that person won't suffer or pity on u. Take a deep breath, forget about it and move on. Show her or him that u can still do better even without her or even without knowing what u want to know from that person. If u r waiting for her answer but she still refused to tell u, move on jeremy...do not wait anymore. Do not let things take over u. i know u must be very torturing right now, but remember God knows! He cares for every every every single detail of u and ur things. Learn to lean on Him and TRUST WHOLEHEARTEDLY, Jeremy, seek in God's way and u'll find the truth. Time heals amazingly. Take good care of yourself, may God bless u abundantly in everything that u do. Put ur focus on other thing and believe me, everything will be fine. Everything shall be fine. Do not worry about it at all. Take care.
Raphael
GET OVER IT
Oh crap. I didn't online for a week got all this. I forgot to say I'm beginning to overcome it already, though still got scar in my heart but the wound is healing. No infection, no recurrance. :P
good lar:P
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